Happy

She was tired of living someone else’s dream.

No matter how much heart she poured out, it was never enough.

Her newfound focus ~ activity – movement – self-appreciation…

That would see her through.

She would walk away, and with such a smile!

Karma

Visiting.

Experiencing another view.

I attempt to form my body in a way that soothes my mind.

Because…that is the ultimate goal…soothing one’s mind.

However:

While in one’s mind…one can not be elsewhere.

Things and people may be forgotten.

Purposes unfold, with no one to gather them.

If you are here, you are not THERE.

You will be.  That is Certain.

You will be.

What goes around, comes around.

 

Unknown

There are friends who caught a glimpse.

Family members who shared the same.

But there remains a loneliness…

Every ONE experiences every experience as an individual experience.

Alone ~

A delusion negated.

How to start a day:

I know how to wake up.

I’m fairly good at showing up.

I can fake a smile,for the most part.

I have never figured out how to keep the machine running non-stop. A word better left unspoken; a mismanaged grimace in response to an internal conversation.

It’s all downhill from there.

Me vs. Me

All day, every day.

Every Day.

How can I keep from throwing all of my helpful wrenches directly into the gears?

Dreams

To sleep, perchance to dream.

To dream, perchance to escape reality and be what my world needs me to be.

My mind is abuzz.

I keep seeing people shouting out in anger, and fear…

The world needs help. And no one is listening.

Everyone is carrying on like it’s all ok.

Everything is NOT OKAY.

Invisible Friend

You are not mine, and never were.

I tried to claim something that belonged to another.

That simple action, however simple…was built upon complex examinations of a relationship built upon years.

My theory was wrong…my experiment proved itself to be wasteful and not only a misuse of time, but a detriment to those involved.

A misguided mind.

A phrase…used as a crutch.

This Ms….lacking Guidance.

I DO have regret.  I AM sorry.  I will probably visit your presence again…but it isn’t really you I crave.  I crave your connection…your ability to claim your spot as ‘Family’.

I will never have that.

 

Regret

Ode to an invisible friend:

It appears in all aspects of my life.

Misunderstanding good intentions.

Misunderstanding bad intentions.

Days measured in credits…so many gained, despite being unused.

Staying with someone who would be better off free.

Being a wife for too many years.

Giving up being a wife…selfishly.

The young lives I cherished but took for granted.

Straying from a faith that served me well.

Missing out on time that a close two weeks could never make up for.

Looking for love when I didn’t know what love was.

Missing out on  love…when that love only comes from Family.

I know regret. It does exist – it is real and tastes like bile. It plays on repeat in my mind all day. All attempts to stop the spinning end up leading to more regret.

The Sneeze

She walked with head held high.

A resounding theme: redundancy.

Truth contradicted, but truth nonetheless.

The sheer athleticism of carrying that impressive ego around all day, while maintaining that precarious image…how does she do it folks?

Her guard is down; it is time for her to make her move.

The test: finding her true form.

The universe is spinning…with even more beyond.

The earth keeps turning; its people are just along for the ride.

Each geographic location offers more and more definition.

And there she sits.  She does little and regrets much.

A speck of dust ~ concerned with laying upon that neglected piece of furniture in such a perfect display ~ only to be swiped away by some dutiful employee…eventually.

The power of being dust: you can make a person expel an astronomical sneeze through no will of their own.  They will be blessed.